Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

When did you last feel guilty? What did you do, and what did you do with your guilt: confess it and make it right? Hide it and walk away?

What are you ashamed of? It could be related to the same situation if your guilt went unresolved. But shame is sneaky. You likely feel ashamed for things that aren’t your fault at all: body image, not fitting in with whatever group you were made to feel you had to fit in, insults you internalized as a child that reflected more about the person who uttered them than any truth about your character.

Guilt: I did something bad.
Shame: I am bad.

I’m no expert, but it seems to me that guilt can lead to feelings of shame. I did something bad because I am bad. And shame can lead to further guilt: since I’m bad, I might as well act badly. Like Adam and Eve eating the fruit in the garden (guilt) and realizing they were naked (shame over their beautifully created bodies), and hiding from God.

But those things are more easily dealt with than the shame most humans carry through no fault of their own. That requires much deeper, harder work, and I’d wager that most of us don’t want to go there…until for whatever reason we realize we have to.

Peter denied knowing Jesus three times (John 18), just as Jesus had told him he would (John 13). Peter felt guilty, but the way Jesus restored him indicates that Peter may also have been feeling ashamed (John 21).

The real shame expert, Brene Brown, says that if we wanted to grow shame in a petri dish we would add secrecy, silence, and judgment, all ingredients in ample supply.

Even though Peter denied Jesus publicly, it’s not a stretch to imagine that Peter had buried his actions. The other disciples weren’t there, so how would they know? And how would they react if they did? Again, judgment isn’t a huge leap… Oh Peter, how could you? Although, given the circumstances, maybe they would have done exactly the same; or maybe they could have imagined themselves in Peter’s sandals. But Peter wouldn’t know that, since he likely kept his guilt and shame to himself.

Secrecy, silence, and judgment multiply shame. Jesus not only addressed Peter’s guilt, He also obliterated Peter’s shame. This conversation wasn’t just redemption, or restitution; this conversation became a catapult to mission. Without it, we might not have the Church.

I find it fascinating that John chose this scene to conclude his gospel. Peter, who had lived and served with Jesus for three years, denied even knowing Jesus on the night He was arrested. But that doesn’t stop Jesus’ love, Jesus’ forgiveness, Jesus’ mission. John wants us to know that no matter what we’ve done or how unqualified we feel, Jesus will meet us there, gently and lovingly lift us up, and give us meaningful service.

Leave behind guilt. Do whatever hard work you need to do to move beyond shame. Let Jesus love you right where it hurts (especially if you’re not ready to admit that it hurts…that’s where you need it). And then get up and follow Him on the adventure He has waiting for you.

Connect
Share some of the ways you demonstrated love for someone this week.

Study
Read aloud John 21:15-25.
Also read John 18:15-18, 25-27. How did Jesus questioning Peter’s love three times connect with Peter’s three denials?
Even though Peter felt hurt by Jesus’ questions, how was Jesus demonstrating love for Peter?
How did Jesus ask Peter to demonstrate his love (vv15-17)? Why is that significant?
Since Jesus knows all things, why did He have this conversation with Peter? What difference does it make to say the words out loud?
Why did Jesus refer to Peter’s death (vv18-19)?
Why did Peter ask about John, and how did Jesus respond (vv20-24)?
Why do you think John chose this to be the last scene in his gospel (v25)? What does this scene tell us about Jesus and His followers that might act as a conclusion to the story?

Live
How do you define shame? How is it like/different from guilt?
When is shame an appropriate response? When is it unhealthy?
How can safe and loving conversations and an appropriate course of action be helpful in overcoming shame?
If you can, share about a time when Jesus redeemed your shame.
Why is it important to demonstrate love with words and actions?
Are you better at loving with words or actions? How can you grow in balancing expressions of love?
How can you demonstrate your love for Jesus as you love others with words and actions this week?
What is God saying to you through this passage, and what will you do about it?

Pray
Thank God for loving us no matter what and offering redemption from shame.

Family Share Questions
Reflect on John 21:15-19 individually and with your family:
How do you show someone you love them?
How does loving people help you love Jesus more?
Thank Jesus for all the people you love.

For more on shame, watch this Ted talk by Brene Brown.

 

Images by John Hain from Pixabay

If Only…

Pre-pandemic pause, we said:
If only…we weren’t so busy.
If only…we had more time.
If only…the family could do more together.

During this pandemic pause, we say:
If only…this had never happened.
If only…I had my own space.
If only…we could go back to normal.

[Please note: This pandemic hasn’t thrust us into the same boat, but into the same storm. So, truly, people say lots of different things to express their experience from their perspective in their boat in the storm. All valid.]

If only…we could wish ourselves out of whatever situation we’re in.

Instead, how about being present, whatever that means, no matter how hard. Let’s fully experience it, feel the feelings, do our best, and move forward to the next right thing, whatever that might be?

After the crucifixion, the disciples did their best. Confused, they did their next right thing. And the resurrected Jesus met them there, in their “normal” as fishermen, because that’s what they knew how to do.

Whatever you do. Whatever your “next,” do what you need to do.

Jesus will meet you there. Always and forever, He loves you. He can’t wait to be with  you.

In case one of your “next right things” is spending time with Jesus, here are some questions to guide you…

Connect
When recently have you said, or heard someone say, “If only…”?

Study
Read aloud John 21:1-14.
Why did Peter decide to go fishing, and why did the others go along (vv2-4)?
How did “the disciple whom Jesus loved” recognize Jesus (vv4-7)?
Why did Peter get dressed and jump in the water (v7)?
Why do you think Jesus helped the disciples catch fish (v6) and asked for some of their fish (v10) when He already had fish (v9)? What might that tell us about Jesus? About us?
How do you understand the disciples’ reaction to Jesus (v12)?

Live
What regular activities do you do to distract yourself from feelings of “If only…”? Do they help?
Share some of the healthy ways you deal with negative emotions.
How do you recognize Jesus when He shows up?
What have you heard Jesus saying to you during shelter-in-place?
If you can, share about a time when you witnessed Jesus do something remarkable.
Where in your life would you especially like Jesus to show up?
What is God saying to you through this passage, and what will you do about it?

Pray
Pray for God to do more than you can ask or imagine.

 

Family Share Questions
Use these questions to reflect on John 21:1-14 individually and with your family:
What miracle does Jesus do in this story? How do you think the disciples felt about it?
What miracles would you like to see Jesus do in the world today? In your own life?
Pray for God to be powerfully present in your life.

 

Image by jürgen Scheffler from Pixabay

Christ Has Risen

He has risen indeed!

The other day we drove past a local church with a banner that read:

Easter is for Everyone!
(No religious experience necessary)

We chuckled, paused, reflected… It’s accurate, but does it feel like an odd thing to say? I’m still thinking about it, so at least that makes it effective advertising…

Easter is for everyone. John 3:16 affirms that God loves the whole world so much that He sent His one and only Son to live and die and rise from the dead to bring us back into right relationship with our Creator. Jesus didn’t sacrifice Himself only for those with religious experience, but for the whole world.

Jesus came to redeem our lives from sin and death. To restore our relationship with the God who loves us. To give our lives meaning and purpose. To reconcile us with one another and with this great big beautiful Planet Earth.

Even those of us with religious experience forget the vast significance of what Jesus did for us. We need regular reminders.

Today Tween and I will teach the 4-year-olds that God sent Jesus to be our forever friend. Because John 3:16. Yesterday I saw our co-teacher and admitted that I hadn’t read the lesson yet. But really, what we want these precious littles to know is that God is good and that God loves them. This sweet man exclaimed, “That’s what I need to know, too!”

Yes. God is good. God loves us. Love God, and love one another. It’s that simple.

But not easy. Even the disciples struggled. Jesus died and He rose. They saw Him in His resurrected body, and they still didn’t know what to do next. So they went back to what they knew. The former fishermen went fishing.

They failed at this thing they’d been doing all their lives. Enter Jesus. Jesus redeemed their failed experience beyond imagination. He restored their discouraged hearts. He reclaimed their vision for what He wanted to do in and through them. Jesus loved them fully and graciously. No judgment, no condemnation, only love and direction for the future.

Thank you, Jesus!

Resurrection Sunday 2017
John 21:1-17

Connect
In which ‘regular’ activities do you engage to distract yourself from discouragement?

Study
Read aloud John 21:1-14.
How did “the disciple whom Jesus loved” recognize Jesus (vv. 4-7)?
Imagine you are Peter. Why did you get dressed and jump in the water (v. 7)?
Why do you think Jesus helped the disciples catch fish (v. 6) and asked for some of the fish they caught (v. 10) when He already had fish (v. 9)? What might that tell us about Jesus? About us?
How do you understand the disciples’ reaction to Jesus in v. 12?
Read aloud John 21:15-17.
Why does Jesus connect loving Him with feeding and caring for His sheep?

Live
How do you recognize Jesus when He shows up in your life?
Where in your life do you need Jesus to show up with His miraculous power?
Jesus helped discouraged fisherman haul in a noteworthy catch, and He also called Peter back to his true calling as a disciple. How might Jesus want to redeem and transform your life?
Do you truly love Jesus? How do you show it?
What is Jesus saying to you through this study, and how will you respond?

Pray
Pray for God to do more than you can ask or imagine in and through your life.

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