Happiness Questions

Ready to think about your own happiness? Want to have more meaningful  conversations, whether you’re driving your teen home from school or having family dinner? Or (do what I did) gather a group of friends and have a chat about happiness.

Here you go!

1. Share a happy childhood memory.
2. Which of your possessions make you feel happy? Which don’t?
3. Describe your perfect happy day.
4. Do you think others perceive you as happy? Why or why not?
5. What changes have you made in life to increase your happiness? What changes could you make?
6. Name 5 things guaranteed to make you smile.
7. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” –Dr. Seuss
What memory does this quote remind you of?
8. Name some things you do regularly that increase your happiness. What do you do occasionally that increases your happiness?
9. What obstacles get in the way of your happiness, and how do you handle them?
10. When have you felt happiest recently?
11. “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” –Jim Rohn (American businessman)
How are you designing (or not) your present happiness?
12. What happiness do you add to others’ lives?
13. Who do you admire for their happiness and why?
14. What do you think is the key to your happiness?
15. How do you balance what makes you happy now with what will make you happier in the long term?
16. Why is it sometimes hard to do things you know will make you happier, and easier to do things you can expect to bring unhappiness?
17. “There is only one happiness in this life: to love and be loved.” –George Sand
Who loves you toward happiness?
18. Is happiness the same as joy? How would you define each?

Create Happiness

My One Word aspiration for January 2019 is to Create Happiness. A microcosm of life, this month presented both expected and unexpected happiness challenges. I know I’m living my best life when I am reading, writing, and cooking regularly; this month has been all out of whack on all fronts and the best I’ve been able to do is to ask myself whether I am present in the moment (sometimes yes, others no). Still, I’ve been conscious of happiness and what I might do to develop more.

To that end, I’ve read a few articles on happiness (this one from a minimalist perspective and this one on time). The best was this one in The New York Times. Culling together what I’ve learned, here are some things I’m committed to to increase my happiness.

MIND
Process my life through writing. Writing helps me become aware of myself and it’s a whole lot cheaper than therapy.

Talk to myself like a friend. I can get lost down the rabbit hole of my own ruminations, completely stuck in negative thinking. I’m going to try to stem that flow by imagining I am my own best friend.

Keep up my gratitude practice, which also helps me stay in the moment. I keep a gratitude journal to record at least three unique-to-today things for which I’m grateful, along with quotes from Scripture or other books.

Use the Pomodoro Technique. Set timers to focus for 25 minutes/5 minute breaks x4 for 2 hours of increased productivity.

BODY
Move for 30 minutes most days and some days more. Just do it.

Say thank you. It’s too easy to be critical. I want to increase my appreciation for the gift of being a living, breathing, healthy human.

Get outside with my pets and my humans. Four things working together here: exercise, beautiful NorCal fresh air, the joy of furry loves, and shared time with people who matter.

Cook and eat real food. Bulk cook so that there is (almost) always something healthy in the fridge. Choose fresh over processed food.

Hydrate. More water, more tea.

Smile more. Find reasons to laugh. Be silly. Don’t take myself too seriously.

ENVIRONMENT
Declutter at the speed of my own life. Don’t wait for time to do the massive decluttering projects, just spend 1-15 minutes right now (not on social media but) eliminating, organizing, or cleaning to make the environment more satisfying. I already make my bed (research shows that happy people make their beds!), but I want to turn my bedroom into an oasis, which means no clutter.

Light candles and turn on the diffuser. Pretty light and intoxicating scent are relaxing.

Practice silence. Minimize noise and negativity of all sorts and choose quiet, deep breathing.

RELATIONSHIPS
Invest in positive relationships. Minimize negative ones. I have my go-to people, but I can more consistently invest in them: both in time and in letting them know how important they are to me.

Spend money and time on shared experiences. Create memories rather than collect stuff.

Be kind and generous. Let people know I’m thinking of them. Become more thoughtful towards those I don’t see regularly, especially in recognizing important events (birthdays, etc). Give away time and stuff to bless others.

Enjoy alone time. Relish time alone to indulge in my favorite pursuits, especially reading.

Rituals

Of course you have routines, but do you have rituals?

Maria Popova, of Brain Pickings, explains them this way:

While routine aims to make the chaos of everyday life more containable and controllable, ritual aims to imbue the mundane with an element of the magical. The structure of routine comforts us, and the specialness of ritual vitalizes us.

My morning routine looks something like this:

Hit snooze on the alarm for eight minutes of dozing, rolling, stretching before I yank myself up.
Refresh my eyes with drops and my teeth with toothbrush.
Inhale a cup of coffee while checking email and media.
Make the bed and pull on yoga clothes.
Take the kid to school and put in some gym time. Or walk the dogs, whichever seems most urgent.
Shower and breeze in to the rest of the day, whatever it might hold.

Mundane and purposeful, but magical? Not so much.

A few years ago, in an attempt to achieve a deeper sleep on a regular basis, I developed a bedtime ritual:

Make a cup of sleepy tea.
Put on pj’s by 9:30-10 pm.
Brush teeth and wash face.
Turn the lights low and get into bed with a good book.
Read for 30-60 minutes.
Lights out, ear plugs in and sleep mask on.
Massage hands and feet with body butter.
Night night!

Some nights, I pull on my pj’s, brush my teeth and wash my face, and fall into bed. But when I add the tea, reading, and massage, routine becomes ritual and, yes, magical.

The ritual gives me time to unwind my brain from the day’s anxious thoughts and to tangibly thank my body for its service. It adds magic to the mundane. Those simple actions form a ritual that, when I practice it, actually does help me sleep better.

As the new year is still young, I am thinking about my routines, which are helpful and which need strengthening. Which don’t yet exist and should. And, as I can use a little more magic in my life, I’m going to pay special attention to how I might sprinkle small rituals into the daily mix.

Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash

When One Word Won’t Cut It

My One Word for 2015 was a phrase: Put yourself in the way of beauty. It required action on my part (put) and a goal (beauty).

In 2016, I chose Create, which led to a series of connections and blog posts on creativity from various creative friends, many of whom stretched to embrace the creativity I recognized in them.

In 2017, I decided I wasn’t done with Create, so I circled re:create recess, focusing on the connection between creativity and play. Unintentionally, I happened on the reality that recreation often involves taking things apart, stripping down before putting back together, and that can be (was) painful.

That led me to Connect in 2018, a word I hoped would restore some joy to my life and yet, at the end of 2018 I felt less connected than ever. At least, differently connected.

Two discouraging years in a row had me carefully pondering the word I’d choose to guide me through 2019.

Yes and… has been a helpful motivator to get beyond my comfort zone. This year, along with Connect, it led me to an eye-opening and life-giving retreat I might not otherwise have attended. But boundaries are important, and I suspect I will continue to need to practice saying No this year, so Yes and…//No has been a contender.

Yonder caught my imagination right at the 2018/2019 transition, that I can’t move forward if I keep looking backward. Or Forward, but Yonder holds more appeal as an unusual term.

I’m still drawn to Beauty and Create, and to their interplay. Play could be fun, as could Happiness, but neither hits the right note on their own. Hope and Delight have shown up, too, reminding me of the optimist I have been and would like to rediscover. And Brave. Yesterday I heard myself say, “I braved up and…” I know that’s not correct usage, yet that’s the joy of language; it felt good to make it a verb for something I’d done that felt intimidating but turned out well.

So I’ve decided to take on a few words, to play with as I need them. I suspect Create will be their ringleader as I Create Happiness (January’s focus) or Create Connection (February?), for example. And I’m looking forward to seeing which words crystallize something I haven’t yet discovered. Hmm, come to think of it, Discover or Adventure might need to be on the list as well!

Halt!

I marched into 2019 ready to shake things up. We spent the first few days in SoCal, helping my mom and sis prepare to move. Mom sold our childhood home, and there were 42 years and 4 generations of stuff to sort, entangled in oh so many emotions. We built in some fun (San Diego Zoo and Disneyland) because balance.

Home again, I hit the ground running–between two jobs, there was lots of activity, not to mention unpacking, laundry, all the regular routines.

I hustled myself smack dab into a brick wall. Cue one sleepless night, coughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

I don’t get sick often. When I do, I can usually positive think my way past it. I might take a nap, or even take a day, but by Day 2 I’m back at it. This time, though, I sensed that pushing through would make things worse. I needed to honor my body and give it rest.

This week has been a long, boring blur of hydration, magazines, naps, TV, and intermittent attempts to focus my incoherent brain on work.

Meanwhile, my friend and creative companion has posted images on Instagram from our recent joint project, 31 Bible to-do cards featuring a word for each card, beautifully designed and hand-lettered by her, and a Bible verse (chosen) and prayer (written) by me.

On Sunday, my first sick day, she posted:

Come

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Lord, my body and soul are heavy. I’m coming to rest in your loving arms. Amen.

What a great reminder that Jesus invites us to rest in Him! Rather than trying to shoulder through on my own strength, I surrendered to His embrace.

A couple days later she posted:

Rest

This is what the Lord commanded: ‘Tomorrow is to be a day of sabbath rest, a holy sabbath to the Lord. Exodus 16:23

Lord, teach me to trust you as I obey your command to rest. Amen.

Another reminder, this time that I need to trust God when He tells me to rest. Here I am, at home, with time on my hands and a bazillion things that need doing, and I have exactly zero ounces of energy to do anything. Oh well, the family can step up or step around, stuff’ll get done eventually.

Rest is God’s gift, even when it comes as a necessary result from chance encounter with bad buggies. We tend to fight rest like willful children fight bedtime. This week, I’m learning to appreciate the gift.

Yonder

The familiar carol rings:

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn

A thrill of hope…yet some days hope feels like a discipline, something to hang on to for dear life as we toss, washed and worn, by the cosmic spin cycle.

Still, I think of children on Christmas Eve, hoping for the gifts that will be under the tree when they awake. They rightly hope, because they know they are loved and that their loved ones will make sure there will indeed be gifts, however so humble. Those children, they thrill with hope. Beyond the annual Christmas joy-filled celebration, their hope makes the family Christmas services hum with anticipation.

the weary world rejoices. The weary soul rejoices. Has my soul become too weary to thrill, to rejoice? How many of us slog through the burn-out day after day, attempting to drown out the noise, self-caring and self-medicating by turns, never feeling fully refreshed? When even rejoicing feels like a forced discipline, how do we rest our weary souls?

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Yonder: over there, in the distance. At least, tomorrow, after we go to sleep on Christmas Eve to awake to the sure knowledge that Jesus Christ has been born. Or, at least, New Year’s Day with a whole new year stretching before us.

We’ve had a rough go for the, oh, last couple years. For various reasons–political, professional, and personal–each of us (and yes, me me me) has had to work hard to hope, to thrill, to rejoice, to refresh, to wait for the yonder. I’m hoping we can let go of the past and move with increased joy into the yonder of 2019.

I have no idea what that might look like. I’m not one for resolutions, just for taking the next right step as firmly as I can and resetting when that step falters as steps occasionally do. However, I received some end-of-year encouragement from my daily Bible reading:

Sing to the Lord a new song.
    Sing his praises in the assembly of the faithful.

Psalm 149:1 (NLT)

Sing a new song now to the Creator and Sustainer who in the end will make all things new again (Colossians 1:15-17, Revelation 21:5).

Even better:

…she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25b

For now, trepidation comes more easily than laughter. And so I will keep at hope, rejoicing, singing, and laughing, intentionally injecting each day with prayer and love and moments of happiness.